She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Randomize
