I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
