Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
