I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
