yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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