I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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