Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
