the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
