Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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