So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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