does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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