Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
and she was petting her beer can
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
