Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
