Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
My hand turned me down
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
