you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
