R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Why is there bacon in the couch?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize