i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
