Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
