all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
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