You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
