You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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