The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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