he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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