On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
