I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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