i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
