Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize