Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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