this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
people are starting to question the shark bite story
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
