Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
