I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
