They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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