Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
