My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
