No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
