in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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