I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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