i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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