You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
