He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
