Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
