so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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