dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
