I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
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