I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize