wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize