brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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