The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize