Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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