I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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