none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
