I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Your dad touched me again.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
