Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
