But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
