how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
