Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
