i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
We need to get me chipped asap
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
