just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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