Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
