ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
