she looked like the before picture.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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