just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
