And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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