After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
