i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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