Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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