I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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