His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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