remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
