I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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