I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
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