beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
