totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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