I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
