just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
