what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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