you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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