Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
