I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
