Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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