I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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