Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
