he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Randomize
