Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize