We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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