something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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