it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
