Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
