his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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