she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
