I am in a vortex of obligation.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
zippers are such a cool invention
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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