"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
