eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
