also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
