I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
