p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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