I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
