I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize