btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
