My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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